Heavy Heart

 Before starting with an introduction, let me share the burden that's making my heart heavy. I have always been a notorious yet timid person. Till my Engineering first year, for me love is like a never land. I will never get into love and thought no one will first love a fat chick like me. In the first year, a guy who is friend of friend pinged me in Facebook. Ahhhh....yeah , Facebook is the Tinder then. I hope almost every girl would have faced various kind of abuses in facebook. Even boys would have. So the intelligent me, thought of being very careful never ever trusted this guy when he pinged me. I consciously ignored his messages. Later on we both were introduced by a common friend. He was in a single sided relationship and the other girl was not ready to get into one. He used to message me and slowly he started to share about her and his feelings to end his life. For me then, a person who was so much influenced by cinema, used to think only girls cheat in a relationship and guys tears are geniune. Fine, I get you all now. But back then I was so innocent and naive. I fell for this guys tears and thought that girl wasn't worth enough for him. I was helping him cope up and get rid of the thought of ending his life. At this point of time he fell in love for me and that's the first time I am talking to boy and that guy showed so much care for me. We used to talk and message for hours together. He proposed me indirectly and I was in a dilemma because I am new to this love chapter. Neither of my close friends in school loved anyone nor I was with people who was in a relationship. Out of fear, I switched off my phone and my friends adviced me not to fall in love. We know right.....our heart never listens to our brain. I accepted his proposal. To be honest, he made me feel so much special and would do anything for me. Days ,months and year went. Lots of love, fights, disappointments, trust issues , drama etc.... After 4 years I decided to end this relationship and it was horrible. He was the most hated person in my life. Now I got to know he is engaged. I feel terrible. I cannot stand that he is no more for me. My heart is aching. I wished he would come for me. But he is not going to. This is why my heart is heavy. I cannot let him go like that. He is happy now. Ideally I should be happy that he is happy and let him live his life. But still my heart wished to go and hug him tight and never let him to anyone. But this will happen only in my dream. This is lot worse than a physical pain.